Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussions of interpersonal conflict.
Managing Interpersonal Conflicts
Here are a few conflict situations. What would you do
in each situation?
1.
Two new professors are
hired and are assigned an office. But they each want the desk near the window.
You’re the department chair and make all office and desk assignments.
2.
Pat is an inveterate
knuckle cracker which drives Chris crazy. They’ve argued about this every time
Pat knuckle cracks which seems like always. You’re a mutual friend whose advice
they ask for.
3.
One of the teachers at
the local high school has established a reading list which some parents object
to for their inclusion on gender fluidity. As principal, you’re asked to
negotiate this conflict.
4.
In anger you post an
unflattering, sexually explicit photo of a friend who has retaliated with a
similarly inappropriate photo of you. You need to meet and get this stopped for
both your sakes.
Generating
Win–Win Solutions
Win–win solutions exist for
most conflict situations (though not necessarily all); with a little effort,
win–win solutions can be identified for most interpersonal conflicts. To get into the habit of looking for
win–win solutions, consider the following conflict situations. For each
situation, generate as many win–win solutions as you can—solutions in which
both persons win. After you complete your list, explain what you see as the
major advantages of win–win solutions.
1. Pat
wants to spend a weekend with Jesse to make sure their relationship is over.
Chris doesn’t want this.
2. Pat
wants to pool their income whereas Chris wants to keep each person’s income and
savings separate.
3. Pat
wants Chris to commit to their relationship and move in together. Chris wants
to wait to make sure this is the right thing.
Rewriting
You- to I-Messages
Generally and perhaps
especially in conflict situations, I-messages are less likely to aggravate
conflict than are you-messages. Recognizing a conflict starter—some incident that signals that this is
the beginning of an interpersonal conflict—early can often diffuse a later and
more extensive conflict. Here, for example, are accusatory comments using
you-messages. Turn each of these into an I-message. What do you see as the
major differences between you- and I-messages?
1. You’re
late again. You’re always late. Your lateness is so inconsiderate!
2. All
you do is sit home and watch cartoons; you never do anything useful.
3. Well,
there goes another anniversary that you forgot.
Apologies
Apologies are often called for in conflict situations,
especially in helping the other person maintain positive face. For each of the
following situations, craft an apology that admits wrongdoing, is specific, and
gives assurance that this will not happen again.
1. Your steady dating partner
sees you kissing your ex.
2. You were caught turning in a
term paper that was largely written by an AI.
3. You accidentally knocked
over the food tray of another student.
