In a recent article of The Ethicist in the NYTimes (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/23/magazine/laptop-prop.html?ref=theethicist&_r=0
) a question was raised about the ethics of laptops being positioned in front
of television newscasters if they are there to convey the impression of being
up-to-the-minute (but not for actual use). It’s an interesting
example of artifactual communication being used to influence credibility.
part of the question concerned the ethics of displaying the computer company
logo. Is this advertising (product placement), the writer asked, ethical for a
news show? In the answer to this question Chuck Klosterman, the ethicist, says
that the display of a logo or the mention of a particular designer’s name does
not constitute advertisement if there is no payment and if the person has no
intention of advertising. This, it seems to me, is true from only one point of
view, that of the sender. The sender—the wearer of the designer’s clothes or
the laptop user—may not think advertising and so one can say from that point of
view that there is no advertising. But, the receiver is being influenced; to
the receiver, the network user’s computer logo is an advertisement and may well
influence buying behavior. This, it also seems, is one of the
reasons so many designers put their name in clear view. Isn't this a
distinction worth making?
Here is a guest post written by Leah DeCesare. Leah DeCesare is a writer and blogger (www.MothersCircle.net) writing about perspectives on parenting from a mother of three, educator and doula. She is a certified birth and postpartum doula as well as childbirth educator and Certified Lactation Counselor, serving families in Rhode Island. Leah is currently conducting the Mother’s Circle Young Women’s Birth Survey open to 18-26 year olds (https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/youngwomensbirthsurvey.) She is the Co-Founder and Co-President of Doulas of Rhode Island, a past DONA International Northeast Regional Director and she volunteers with Families First RI.
I like to talk. I talk to connect and get closer to people. Most people like to talk. Connecting is human, talking is still our most genuine way of connecting.
I like to talk. I talk to connect and
get closer to people. What I’ve realized is most people like to talk - and talk
a lot. People talk. A lot. Connecting is human and talking is still our most
genuine way of connecting. In a world with changing personal contact, where
interactions through technology reign, talking is still a precious gift to join
hearts and minds with others.
Over the years, I’ve had to grin
through painful comments about my talking, sometimes disguised as jokes, other
times delivered more directly. Some close friends may comment endearingly but
I’ve received critical, judgmental and hurtful remarks. Yet,
as rude and cutting as it feels, such frank statements make me think.
I’m open-minded and I work to be a
better person each day, to challenge myself to improve in myriad ways and I
take the time to self reflect. In truth, I am hyper-aware of
telling a story too long or of the conversation tipping in my direction. I’m
ultra sensitive to when someone has asked me so many questions that it seems
I’m doing all the talking so I work to redirect the conversation toward them. I
notice when I’ve gotten excited and interrupted a friend’s story, but then I
apologize and return to where she left off.
I not only observe how I interact, but
I also witness how those around me converse. Turns out, women, in particular,
talk over one another as a routine. Watch any group of girl friends together
and you’ll see it’s a usual and accepted chatting style, and somehow, everyone talks
and everyone’s heard. Though, it’s also not the only way women talk together.
Equally often, we share the floor,
rotating around, hearing stories, nodding, commenting, asking questions,
listening more. Then another person picks up and her story has our attention
and focus until it’s the next person’s turn to chime in with a tale.
One particular night after someone
blithely made a comment to me about how much I talk, I swallowed and forced a
polite smile, and became completely silent. I sat mute, watching, surveying,
listening, contemplating. Throughout the evening, I paid attention as everyone
took a turn dominating the conversation, talking “too much” and going on and
Every single person talked and talked
at some point and not one talking-person turned to include or invite in another
while she was front and center. The talker talked. It’s what we do, it how we
affiliate ourselves with a group, it’s how we belong and how we bridge space
and grow friends.
The truth is, I do like to talk and if
I’m not talking much it’s likely that I’m not engaged enough to build a
relationship. But, the truth is, I also like to listen and I’m a good listener.
Listening is the other half of connecting. I
welcome the words from my friends, acquaintances, and even strangers in the
check out line and I care about what is going on in others’ lives.
My husband teases me because no matter
where I am, people open up to me and tell me intimate details of their lives.
This happens so often that it’s become unremarkable when I tell him the life
story of someone I crossed paths with that day. I’ve heard all about divorces
from a car mechanic complete with details of clothes thrown out the window, I’ve
heard about the journey to adoption waiting for the fish guy at the
supermarket, I’ve learned of a woman’s struggle with cancer while sitting in a
waiting room, the drugstore clerk confided that he quit drinking and I’ve heard
countless birth stories from strangers and friends alike. I listen.
In social circles, I listen. I bear
witness to friends’ stories, hear their pains and celebrate their triumphs. I
listen with compassion and I remember. I remember to ask a friend about a
procedure scheduled for their child, how their fundraiser went or how they like
their new yoga class. I remember my friends’ birthdays and the anniversary
of their Dad’s death. I care deeply, I express it in touch, notes, presence and, yes, talking.
I have a funny sense in my being that
feels dishonest when I don’t offer details, when I’m not explaining something
fully, when I don’t share totally. It’s as if I’m in a movie where two
characters meet, each having information the other needs but not telling one
another. I think sometimes I talk more because it feels more honest to that
quirky thing in my heart.
And sometimes, I wonder if I’m perceived
as talking more than others because I talk really fast (and even faster if I
have any caffeine). Or maybe it’s because I initiate dialogues, or speak with
energy and animation (and maybe a little loudly). I’m bold, happy, enthusiastic
and so I gush and effuse.
I’m candid, unreserved and unafraid to
articulate what’s in my soul. So maybe I do talk a lot, maybe I do talk more
than others, but it’s who I am. It’s how I relate, it’s how I embrace, envelop,
offer, share and give. If I’m talking with you, I’m giving you a piece of
myself and I’m open for receiving a piece of you, too, when you talk with me.
Here is a discussion of the communication of power which I wrote for my 50 Communication Strategies book and that I thought might be of interest to a wide variety of readers.
Power is the ability
of one person to influence what another person thinks or does. You have power
over another person to the extent that you can influence what this person
thinks or what this person does. And, conversely, another person has power over
you to the extent that he or she can influence what you think or do. Perhaps
the most important aspect of power to recognize is that power is asymmetrical: If one person has greater power, the other
person must have less. If you are stronger than another person, then this
person is weaker than you. If you are richer, then the other person must be
poorer. In any one area—for example, strength or financial wealth—one person
has more and, inevitably and by definition, the other person has less (is
weaker or poorer).The varied types of
power are identified in the & Box, Types of Power.