Skill Building Exercises for Interpersonal Power

 

Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussion of power in interpersonal communication.

Principles of Power

The principles of power explain some of the ways power operates. For each of these principles identify one example of how that principle has impacted your life in some minor or major way:

Power Principle	Impact example, specific instance, illustration
1.  Some people are more powerful than others.
2.  Power can be shared.
3.  Power can be increased or decreased.
4.  Power follows the principle of less interest.
5.  Power generates privilege.
6.  Power is influenced by culture.

Recognizing Power

Being able to recognize power in others is a good first step in understanding what makes for power and how it’s exercised. What person—real or fictional, dead or alive—would you say best exemplifies the power relationship between you and this powerful person? Select people that others would know, so no “Uncle Charlie” or “my fourth-grade teacher.” Why did you select those you named?

 

Power Type	Person
Referent power
Legitimate
Expert
Information/persuasion:
Reward
Coercive

 

Managing Power Plays

Here are a few examples of power plays. For each, develop a three-part management strategy in which you:

·        state your feelings in I-messages

·        describe the other person’s behavior that you object to

·        state a cooperative response

1.     Pat continually interrupts you. When you say something Pat breaks in and finishes what Pat thinks you want to say. You need this stopped.

2.     One of your coworkers responds to all your ideas with the “yougottobekidding” comments: You can’t be serious. Do you really mean that? You are joking, aren’t you?

3.     Your close friend Pat helped you get your job and every time Pat wants you to do something, Pat reminds you of the help in getting your job. It’s like you’re indebted to Pat for the rest of your life.

4.     Your friend posts pictures of you on Facebook and Instagram that you would rather not have people see. When you object, your friend ignores your concern and says things like, “I think the photos are cute” or “People love to see these.”

 

Skill Building Exercises in Interpersonal Conflict

 

Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussions of interpersonal conflict.

Managing Interpersonal Conflicts

Here are a few conflict situations. What would you do in each situation?

1.     Two new professors are hired and are assigned an office. But they each want the desk near the window. You’re the department chair and make all office and desk assignments.

2.     Pat is an inveterate knuckle cracker which drives Chris crazy. They’ve argued about this every time Pat knuckle cracks which seems like always. You’re a mutual friend whose advice they ask for.

3.     One of the teachers at the local high school has established a reading list which some parents object to for their inclusion on gender fluidity. As principal, you’re asked to negotiate this conflict.

4.     In anger you post an unflattering, sexually explicit photo of a friend who has retaliated with a similarly inappropriate photo of you. You need to meet and get this stopped for both your sakes.

 

Generating Win–Win Solutions

Win–win solutions exist for most conflict situations (though not necessarily all); with a little effort, win–win solutions can be identified for most interpersonal conflicts. To get into the habit of looking for win–win solutions, consider the following conflict situations. For each situation, generate as many win–win solutions as you can—solutions in which both persons win. After you complete your list, explain what you see as the major advantages of win–win solutions.

1.  Pat wants to spend a weekend with Jesse to make sure their relationship is over. Chris doesn’t want this.

2.  Pat wants to pool their income whereas Chris wants to keep each person’s income and savings separate.

3.  Pat wants Chris to commit to their relationship and move in together. Chris wants to wait to make sure this is the right thing.

 

Rewriting You- to I-Messages

Generally and perhaps especially in conflict situations, I-messages are less likely to aggravate conflict than are you-messages. Recognizing a conflict starter—some incident that signals that this is the beginning of an interpersonal conflict—early can often diffuse a later and more extensive conflict. Here, for example, are accusatory comments using you-messages. Turn each of these into an I-message. What do you see as the major differences between you- and I-messages?

1.  You’re late again. You’re always late. Your lateness is so inconsiderate!

2.  All you do is sit home and watch cartoons; you never do anything useful.

3.  Well, there goes another anniversary that you forgot. 

 

Apologies

Apologies are often called for in conflict situations, especially in helping the other person maintain positive face. For each of the following situations, craft an apology that admits wrongdoing, is specific, and gives assurance that this will not happen again.

1.     Your steady dating partner sees you kissing your ex.

2.     You were caught turning in a term paper that was largely written by an AI.

3.     You accidentally knocked over the food tray of another student.