Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussions of interpersonal relationships:
Talking
Cherishing
Cherishing behaviors are an especially effective way
to affirm another person and to increase “favor exchange,” a concept that comes
from the work of William Lederer (1984). Cherishing behaviors are those small
gestures you enjoy receiving from your partner (a smile, a wink, a phone call,
an e-mail saying “I’m thinking of you,” a kiss). They are (1) specific and
positive—nothing overly general or negative; (2) focused on the present and
future rather than related to issues about which the partners have argued in
the past; (3) capable of being performed daily; and (4) easily executed—nothing
you really have to go out of your way to accomplish.
Prepare a list of 10 cherishing behaviors that you would like to
receive from your relationship partner. After each partner prepares a list,
exchange lists and, ideally, perform the desired cherishing behaviors. At
first, you may be self-conscious and these behaviors may seem awkward. In time,
however, they’ll become a normal part of your interaction, which is exactly
what you want.
Assessing the End of a Relationship
Listen here are factors that might lead someone to end
or consider ending a relationship. For each factor, identify the likelihood
that you would dissolve the relationship, using a 10-point scale where 10 =
would definitely dissolve the relationship, 1 = would definitely not dissolve
the relationship, and the numbers 2–9 representing intermediate levels. Use 5
for “don’t know what I’d do” or “not sure.” Assume for purposes of this
exercise that the relationship is a few-months old romantic one.
1. Person lies frequently about insignificant and
significant issues
2. Person lacks ambition and doesn’t want to do
anything of significance
3. Person is not supportive and rarely compliments or
confirms you
4. Person is unwilling to reveal anything significant
about past behavior or present feelings
5. Person embarrasses you because of bad manners, poor
grammar, inappropriate posts and photos
6. Person is not liked by your close friends
7. Person is possessive and jealous and wants to be
together 24/7
8. Person is not sexually exciting
9. Person spends money recklessly
10.Person talks constantly
Identifying
Friendship Functions in Social Media
Identifying the functions that friendships serve will
help you communicate more effectively in such relationships as both friend and
befriended.
Friendships, as you know, serve a variety of
functions or needs. The following five functions were identified in a
pre-social media communication environment and are based largely on
face-to-face friendships (Wright, 1978, 1984; Reiner & Blanton, 1997).
However, these functions are also served by social media friendships. For each
of these five functions, indicate the specific means used (and specific
examples) in social media communication to serve these functions:
Utility: Friends can do useful things for you, for
example, helping you get a better job or introducing you to a possible romantic
partner.
Affirmation: Friends can affirm your personal value
and help you to appreciate your qualities.
Ego Support: Friends can be supportive, encouraging,
and complimentary, helping you develop a healthy ego.
Stimulation: Friends can introduce you to new ideas
and new ways of seeing the world.
Security: Friends come to your aid when you need them,
supportively and nonjudgmentally.
Applying Relationship Theories
Television is popular, in part, because it both reflects and exaggerates real life. Seeing the concepts of interpersonal relationships as they exist on television is a useful first step to seeing the concepts in operation in our own relationships.
Watch a television sitcom or drama that focuses
on one of the kinds of relationships discussed in this chapter (friendship,
love, family, workplace, and parasocial and online relationships), and respond
to the following questions:
1. How are the relationships defined? What specific
verbal or nonverbal behaviors cue you into the kind of relationship existing
between or among the characters?
2. What types of attraction exist between or among the
characters?
3. How would you describe the relationship in terms of
social exchange and equity theories?
4. What rules do the relationship partners follow? What
rules do they violate?
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