3.04.2015

Gay and Straight Relationships

Here’s an interesting article in the current issue of Psychology Today (April, 2015): Gay Love, Straight Sense: 5 Lessons Everyone Can Learn from Same-Sex Couples. The lessons are these:
1.      “Create fluid roles.” Because same-sex couples don’t have to divide roles by gender, they are free to discuss roles and to more effectively share roles. The roles are negotiated, rather than set down by society.
2.      “Sexual experimentation is good.” Same-sex couples are more likely to talk about sexual preferences and desires and are not bound by “rules” often found in opposite-sex relationships.
3.      “Keep calm amid conflict.” Apparently, same-sex couples engage in conflict in a “less accusatory, less belligerent, less domineering” manner.
4.      “We’re all surrounded by attractive others; deal with it.” Unlike same-sex couples, gay men and lesbians have same-sex friends and regularly deal with the normal jealousies and tensions these may present. Straight men and women often do not have opposite sex friends which is confining and restrictive.
5.      “Allow for breathing room when it comes to money, family—and maybe even sex.” Gay men and lesbians apparently engage in less micromanaging than do straight men and women. There is, with gay and lesbian couples, less adherence to rules established by society—same-sex couples can have separate bank accounts and don’t have to visit family in the same way that straight couples do, for example.

There is much in this article that both straight and gay men and lesbians will find totally untrue of their own relationships. The generalizing--sometimes to the point of stereotyping—often on the basis of a psychologist’s or therapist’s observations—little real research is cited—can seem somewhat offensive and off-putting to both same-sex and opposite-sex couples. Yet, the idea that one relationship configuration can inform and teach another is useful.

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Abdul Zaffar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Abdul Zaffar said...

I love a person but don't know he is also a gay or not though I told him everything that I really love him.1st he told that he love me but now he is not replying to me and creating distance from me...may be he is st8 just bcoz he don't wanna hurt me he is just told me that he love me or may me due to our profosional relation creating a wall between us as he is my boss..he is of 46 and I m of 26..I cant live without him,I m dying everyday..I feel like killing myself..he love his family very much and he a a very kind-hearted person who never hurt anyone...I m very confused
I never thought that life will be so difficult for me...everyday I cry for him..every night I feel like it would be so good if this is my Last night...
I can't leave my job bcoz of my parents and don't want to stay with him as it hurts a lot..we stay In same flat i work with me in same office and n same room...
I can't concentrate in my work,my health is detroiting,but it's not visible to hI'm. .he can't understand my fake smile,he can't understand my tears behind my smile...I WISH I CUD HATE HIM AND CAN MOVE ON IN MY LIFE

HELP ME PLEASE I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
I WANT MY LIFE BACK.
PL..PLL.PLLLL.....

Joseph DeVito said...

I feel your pain and empathize with you in all you're going through, But, unfortunately, I'm not qualified to offer you any specific advice. I wish I were.

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