Skill Building Exercises in Interpersonal Conflict

 

Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussions of interpersonal conflict.

Managing Interpersonal Conflicts

Here are a few conflict situations. What would you do in each situation?

1.     Two new professors are hired and are assigned an office. But they each want the desk near the window. You’re the department chair and make all office and desk assignments.

2.     Pat is an inveterate knuckle cracker which drives Chris crazy. They’ve argued about this every time Pat knuckle cracks which seems like always. You’re a mutual friend whose advice they ask for.

3.     One of the teachers at the local high school has established a reading list which some parents object to for their inclusion on gender fluidity. As principal, you’re asked to negotiate this conflict.

4.     In anger you post an unflattering, sexually explicit photo of a friend who has retaliated with a similarly inappropriate photo of you. You need to meet and get this stopped for both your sakes.

 

Generating Win–Win Solutions

Win–win solutions exist for most conflict situations (though not necessarily all); with a little effort, win–win solutions can be identified for most interpersonal conflicts. To get into the habit of looking for win–win solutions, consider the following conflict situations. For each situation, generate as many win–win solutions as you can—solutions in which both persons win. After you complete your list, explain what you see as the major advantages of win–win solutions.

1.  Pat wants to spend a weekend with Jesse to make sure their relationship is over. Chris doesn’t want this.

2.  Pat wants to pool their income whereas Chris wants to keep each person’s income and savings separate.

3.  Pat wants Chris to commit to their relationship and move in together. Chris wants to wait to make sure this is the right thing.

 

Rewriting You- to I-Messages

Generally and perhaps especially in conflict situations, I-messages are less likely to aggravate conflict than are you-messages. Recognizing a conflict starter—some incident that signals that this is the beginning of an interpersonal conflict—early can often diffuse a later and more extensive conflict. Here, for example, are accusatory comments using you-messages. Turn each of these into an I-message. What do you see as the major differences between you- and I-messages?

1.  You’re late again. You’re always late. Your lateness is so inconsiderate!

2.  All you do is sit home and watch cartoons; you never do anything useful.

3.  Well, there goes another anniversary that you forgot. 

 

Apologies

Apologies are often called for in conflict situations, especially in helping the other person maintain positive face. For each of the following situations, craft an apology that admits wrongdoing, is specific, and gives assurance that this will not happen again.

1.     Your steady dating partner sees you kissing your ex.

2.     You were caught turning in a term paper that was largely written by an AI.

3.     You accidentally knocked over the food tray of another student.

Skill Building Exercises in Verbal Communication

 

Using Assertiveness Strategies

Assertiveness is the most direct and honest response in situations such as these. Usually it’s also the most effective. For any one of the following situations, discuss in a group or write individually (a) a nonassertive and (b) an assertive response. Then, in one sentence, explain why your assertiveness message will prove more effective than the nonassertive message.

1.  You’ve just redecorated your apartment, expending considerable time and money in making it exactly as you want it. A good friend of yours brings you a house gift—the ugliest poster you’ve ever seen—and insists that you hang it over your fireplace, the focal point of your living room.

2.  Your friend borrows $150 and promises to pay you back tomorrow. But tomorrow passes, as do 20 subsequent tomorrows, and there is still no sign of the money. You know that your friend has not forgotten about the debt, and you also know that your friend has more than enough money to pay you back.

3.  Your next-door neighbor repeatedly asks you to take care of her four-year-old while she runs some errand or another. You don’t mind helping out in an emergency, but this occurs almost every day. You feel you’re being taken advantage of and simply do not want to do this anymore.

 

Responding to Confirm and Disconfirm

For each of the following scenarios, (1) write a confirming response and a disconfirming response, and (2) explain the effects each type of response is likely to generate.

1.       Enrique receives this semester’s grades in the mail; they’re a lot better than previous semesters’ grades but still not great. After opening the letter, Enrique says, “I really tried hard to get my grades up this semester.” Enrique’s parents respond:

2.       Pat, who has been out of work for the past several weeks, says: “I feel like such a failure; I just can’t seem to find a job. I’ve been pounding the pavement for the past five weeks and still nothing.” Pat’s friend responds:    

3.       Judy’s colleague at work comes to her, overjoyed, and tells her that he’s just been promoted to vice president of marketing, skipping three steps in the hierarchy and tripling his salary. Judy responds:

4.       Carrie’s boyfriend of seven years left her and is now dating a man. Carrie confides this to Samantha, who responds:

Skill Building Exercises in Listening

 

Here are a few skill building exercises that prove helpful in discussions of listening in interpersonal communication.

Buzzkills

In addition to the suggestions for responding, consider the buzzkill, one of the negative influences on comfortable interpersonal interaction—the comment that brings down the level of enjoyment or satisfaction. Understanding what to avoid is often as helpful as understanding what to do. For each of the following situations write a one-sentence buzzkill.

1.     Just took the Covid test—Negative! Buzzkill:

2.     I just got my paper back; I got an A. Buzzkill:

3.     Well, Pat said yes and we’re going away for the weekend. Buzzkill:

4.     I finally got that internship with Smith and Wales. Buzzkill:

5.     We’re off to have a great breakfast at the diner. Buzzkill:

One of the problems with analyzing buzzkills is that they often contain legitimate warnings or cautions. For example, buzzkill for No. 1 might be, “You need to take a second test to be sure you’re in the clear.” This is a buzzkill but also a legitimate suggestion. So, don’t be too hard on the buzzkiller. Look over your own responses. Were there any useful aspects to your buzzkills?

 

Identifying the Barriers to Listening

No one can listen apart from their own attitudes, beliefs, values, and opinions; these always get in the way of accurate listening. Your objective is to minimize these effects. Taking into consideration your own attitudes, beliefs, values, and opinions, what obstacles to listening would you identify for each of the following interpersonal situations?

1.  Colleagues at work are discussing how they can persuade management to restrict the company gym to men only.

2.  Students in your computer science class are talking about planting a virus in the college computer as a way of protesting recent decisions by the administration.

3.  A campus religious group is conferring about its plan to prevent same-sex couples from attending the college prom.

4.  A group of faculty and students is discussing a campaign to prevent the military from recruiting on campus.

5. The Library faculty has announced plans to remove all books on race and racism, sexual education, LGBTQ+ issues, and those presenting certain religious views.

 

 

Responding with Empathy

Here are five possible responses to the “simple” statement, “I guess I’m feeling a little depressed.” Assume that Apple and Orange are close friends—not best friends but more than acquaintances.

1.     Identify why each of the five responses is (probably) inappropriate and not empathic. You may also want to consider the motivating factors that contribute to the varied responses. That is, why does someone respond as these Oranges did?

2.     Write what you’d consider an empathic response. Consider too why your response is empathic. What does your response communicate that the varied responses from Orange did not communicate?

APPLE: I guess I’m just feeling a little depressed.

______ ORANGE 1: I’ve been reading about depression and it’s all in your head. This research—it was done at NYU—showed that the ….

______ ORANGE 2: You depressed? Have you talked to Pat? Now that’s depression.

______ ORANGE 3: Well, then, you need to get out more; let’s go and have some fun.

______ ORANGE 4: Me too. I don’t know what it is but I woke up this morning and felt so depressed. I thought it was from a dream but I’m still feeling that way. Do you think I should see a counselor?

______ ORANGE 5: Are you? That’s really serious; it’s often a sign of suicide. Remember Pat? Got depressed after the breakup and jumped off the roof.

 

 

Identifying Examples of Listening Styles

Being able to identify the varied styles of listening is a first step in controlling and adjusting our own style of listening for greatest effectiveness.

Go to YouTube or any online video site and select interpersonal interactions from any of a variety of talk shows) and identify one or two of the following:

1.  An example of empathic or non-empathic listening. How does the person communicate this?

2.  An example of polite or impolite listening. What cues are used to communicate this?

3.  An example of critical or uncritical listening. How were you able to detect this?

4.  An example of active or non-active listening. What does the person say that indicates they’re listening actively or not actively?

 Skill Building Exercises in Perception

Here are two exercises that might be helpful in discussions of perception in interpersonal communication

Clarifying Perceptions

Seeking clarification is almost always helpful. With interpersonal perception, it’s essential. For each of these ambiguous situations indicate what you would say to seek the needed clarification.

1.     You texted a friend asking for a small loan but have heard nothing back.

2.     Your manager at work seems to spend a lot of time with your peers but very little time with you. You’re concerned about the impression you’re making.

3.     The person you’ve been dating for the past several months has stopped texting or commenting on your posts.

4.     You feel one of the other students is flirting with you but it seems very subtle; maybe it’s not even flirting. But you’d be interested if it were.

5.     Your dating partner, of over the past few months, now seems to be spending a great deal of time with someone else and you’re not happy about it.

 

Applying Impression Management Strategies

Everyone uses impression-management strategies; using them effectively and ethically, however, is not always easy but almost always an available choice. Here are a few interpersonal situations in which you might want to use impression-management strategies. Identify at least two impression-management strategies you could use to achieve your goals in each of these situations.

1. You’re interviewing for a job; you want to be seen as credible and as a good team player.

2. Your term paper is not up to par; you don’t want your instructor to think this is the level at which you normally function.

3. You want to ask a former instructor to be a friend on Facebook.

4. You’ve just started at a new school and you want to be careful not to make a fool of yourself—as you had at your previous school.

5. You’re a police officer assigned to a neighborhood patrol; you want to be seen as firm but approachable.

Exercises for Interpersonal Communication 

Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussions of the self and interpersonal communication.

Satisfying Your Needs

According to FIRO (Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation) we each have needs for inclusion, control, and openness.

1.     What one thing have you done this week to satisfy your need for inclusion to the point where you’re comfortable?

2.     What one thing have you done this week to satisfy your need for control to the point where you’re comfortable?

3.     What one thing have you done this week to satisfy your need for openness to the point where you’re comfortable?

4.     Can you identify any obstacles that you encountered along the way of satisfying these basic needs?

 

Going from Idealism to Realism

Like many people, college students often have unrealistic expectations and goals that will likely not be met but are likely to cause stress and depression. How would you rework the following goals so that they are more realistic and attainable?

1.     I have to get an A in this course.

2.     I have to maintain a perfect GPA.

3.     I have to get into Professor Smith’s sociology class; it’s an easy A.

4.     I have to win the election for class president.

5.     I have to be engaged before I graduate.

 

Giving a Compliment

 

While you’re securing self-affirmation, consider the advantages of affirming another person. One way to do this is to compliment another. For each of the following situations, craft a compliment that is genuine, honest, and totally complimentary:

1.  A fellow student helped you research information you used in your report.

2.  Your blind date shows up and is a lot more attractive than you ever expected.

3.  You had a great dinner at a colleague’s home.

4.  Your friend just lost weight and looks great.

5.  Your friend just got accepted into law school.

 

Disclosing Topics

The remaining discussion of this important concept will be more meaningful if you first consider your own willingness to self-disclose. Consider the following disclosures and think about whether you’d disclose, to whom you’d disclose, and under what circumstances you might disclose?

• Your happiest moments in life

• Your unhappiest moments in life

• Your personality characteristics that you do not like

• Your most embarrassing moment

• Your major weaknesses

• Your prejudices

• Your net worth

• Your sexual fantasies

• Your greatest fears

• Your ideal relationship partner

 

Dealing with Difficult Disclosures

Here are a few examples of difficult disclosures. How would you respond?

1.     A friend confides a desire to commit suicide. What do you say?

2.     You just found out you have an STD and you need to tell a few people you’ve been intimate with. What do you say?

3.     Your friend is a Female-to-Male Trans and is dating a cisgender female who knows nothing about the transition. Your friend wants to disclose this and asks you for advice. What do you say?

4.     You’ve kittenfished in writing your profile; you’re older, less attractive than the photo would indicate, and are less financially well-off than implied. All was going well until you both decided to meet for coffee. You need to prepare this person for the real you. What do you say?

5.     You’re gay and you have decided to come out to your parents. You have no idea how they’ll react. What do you say? 

6.     You’re engaged to Pat, but over the past few months, you’ve fallen in love with someone else. You now have to break your engagement and disclose your new relationship. What do you say?

 

Interpersonal Communication Skill Building Exercises

Here are a few skill building exercises in interpersonal communication. I wrote some new ones and updated and edited some old ones for the new editions of my interpersonal communication texts. My aim is to post a few exercises each week—following the pattern of most interpersonal communication courses. Here are a few which might prove useful when discussing the nature and function of interpersonal communication.

Communicating Content and Relationship Messages

Content and relationship messages are both important in interpersonal communication. Here are a few situations where you would need to communicate a content message and a relationship message. What would you say?

1.   After a date that you didn’t enjoy and don’t want to repeat ever again, you want to express your sincere thanks, but you don’t want to be misinterpreted as communicating any indication that you would go on another date with this person. What would you say?

2.   You’re ready to commit yourself to a long-term relationship but want your partner to sign a prenuptial agreement before moving any further in the relationship. You need to communicate both your desire to keep your money and to move the relationship to the next level. What would you say?

3.   You’re interested in dating a friend on Facebook who also attends the college you do and with whom you’ve been chatting for a few weeks. But you don’t know if the feeling is one of friendship or potentially at least one of romance. You want to ask for the date (on the assumption that the relationship can be a romantic one) but to do so in a way that, if you’re turned down, you won’t be embarrassed, and the friendship will remain intact? What would you say?

 

Examining Your Social Media Profile

Heightened awareness of how messages help create meanings will increase your ability to make more reasoned and reasonable choices in your interpersonal interactions. Examine your own social network profile (or that of a friend) in terms of some of the principles of interpersonal communication discussed in this chapter:

1.      How are the verbal and nonverbal messages in your profile related? Do they generally communicate the same meaning?

2.    Does your profile encourage interaction? In what way?

3.  What purposes does your profile serve? In what ways might it serve some of the five purposes of interpersonal communication identified here (to learn, relate, influence, play, and help)?

4.   Can you identify both content and relational messages.

5.   In what ways does your profile exhibit interpersonal power? In what ways, if any, have you incorporated into your profile any of the six types of power discussed in this chapter (legitimate, referent, reward, coercive, expert, or information)?

  6.    Are there any verbal or nonverbal messages on your profile that might be ambiguous to readers?

   7.   What are the implications of inevitability, irreversibility, and unrepeatability for posting a profile              on social network sites?

 

Red Flags

Here are some social media posts employers find problematic and will likely raise red flags about your suitability for a job. Examine your social media posts. Do you see any items that, from an employer’s point of view, might raise red flags?

1.      Inappropriate language such as vulgar, homophobic, sexist (and sexual), racist, ageist, or other terms that discriminate. These tell employers you’re not a good fit with a diverse workforce.

2.      Inappropriate partying photos or videos, especially with alcohol and/or drugs. These tell employers that you may be more interested in having fun than working.

3.      Negative comments on previous employers or companies. These tell employers that you may be hypercritical and that you may be the problem rather than your past employers.

4.      Opinions that may be viewed as contrary to a company’s values. These tell employers that your values don’t align with the company’s and that you would not be a good in furthering the company’s goals.

5.      Poor communication skills, such as misspellings and grammatical errors. These tell employers that you may lack essential skills or that you’re careless.

 

Another interesting article on workplace communication.

Here's an interesting article on an important but rarely discussed (at least in our interpersonal texts) issue/problem:
https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how-to-say-no-white-lie-honesty-rejection/

WELL-BEING//October 17, 2019

How to Decline an Invitation Without Hurting Your Relationship

Expert-backed strategies to RSVP “no” to anything and protect your well-being.

By 

• Alexandra Hayes, Multimedia Reporter

Prosocial Communication

This discussion of prosocial communication is a preliminary version of a section I'm considering adding to the new edition of The Interpersonal Communication Book. It would be the final section of the last chapter. I'd be very interested in hearing what you think of this section. Any comments, positive or negative, will be greatly appreciated.

Prosocial Communication

  

In Chapter 10 we looked at the dark side of interpersonal relationships (jealousy and relationship violence) and, in this chapter, we looked at the misuses of power (sexual harassment, bullying, and power plays), other “dark” sides. As a counterpoint to these “dark” sides we need also to highlight the more positive sides of interpersonal communication and relationships or what we might call prosocial communication. Here we consider the nature of prosocial communication, the factors that influence or inhibit such communication, some examples of prosocial communication, and some of its potential effects.

The Nature of Prosocial Communication

Prosocial communication is communication that benefits another individual, group, society, or the entire species in some way. The communication may be verbal or nonverbal or, as usual, some combination of verbal and nonverbal messages.

          A simple smile, compliment, or helpful advice would be examples of prosocial communication benefiting another individual’s self-esteem or future behavioral choices. A phone call or text to report a crime or a person in need of medical attention would also be examples of prosocial communication. The publication of research is another example of prosocial communication since it advances our knowledge of some topic in some way.  And, to the extent that knowledge is beneficial, the publication of research is prosocial. Speeches or posts espousing accepted values in a culture—whether they be equality, democracy, freedom of speech-–would be considered examples of prosocial communication benefiting the larger social group.

          As you might expect the definition of prosocial communication will vary with the culture. And so, while supporting gay rights or women’s rights in some cultures would be considered prosocial, it would not be in others. And the same is true with a wide variety of religious, political, and social issues.

On the Internet both crowdsourcing and crowdfunding are examples of prosocial communication (Sproull, Conley, & Moon, 2004). When you help another person find the right plumber or get opinions on different graduate schools (as you would in responding to a crowdsourcing request), you’re engaging in prosocial communication. Similarly, when you send in a donation for a particular project (as you would in responding to a crowdfunding request), you’re engaging in a prosocial act or at least you assume the request is legitimate rather than a scam. Also needed to be included here are the numerous prosocial communication options for comments on posts.

Prosocial communication is not the opposite of anti-social communication. If you give a homeless person money for coffee, we’d say this is a prosocial act but if you don’t give it, it doesn’t mean that your behavior is anti-social. It’s just not, in this case, prosocial.

And, contrary to what many would think, prosocial communication is not necessarily altruistic. Altruism may motivate the prosocial communication but it is not an essential component. In fact, there is some evidence that altruism is the primary motivation for prosocial behavior generally (Stiff, Dillard, Somera, Kim, & Sleight, 2009). But, prosocial communication may also be motivated by selfishness, the need for approval or as a preface to asking a favor. It does not have to be motivated by positive emotions such as love, empathy, or friendship. In fact, some theorists would argue that all behavior (even prosocial behavior) is motivated by egoism, not altruism (http://www.iep.utm.edu/psychego/).

Factors Influencing Prosocial Communication

A wide variety of factors can be identified that may influence prosocial communication. Some factors encourage and others inhibit the expression of prosocial communication.

One factor is that of similarity. Similarity encourages prosocial communication; you’re more apt to engage in prosocial communication with those who are similar to you than with those who are different—whether in sex, in age, in culture, or in religion--than you are with those who are unlike you. Dissimilarity often reduces the likelihood of prosocial communication.

Your relationship bonds will influence your prosocial communication.  As you’d expect, you’re more likely to engage in prosocial communication with those you are friends with or those you love. This seems partly due to the expectation (or perhaps obligation) you have towards friends and family and partly due to your wanting to do good things for friends and family (that is, to people you like). With enemies or with disliked others, prosocial communication is likely to be inhibited.

When someone engages in prosocial communication that benefits you, you’re more likely to reciprocate and return prosocial communication. This is simply another example of the law of reciprocity—you are apt to engage in behavior that is similar to the behavior of others; you tend to give back what you are given.

Your history of reinforcement will influence your prosocial communication, as it will any form of communication. If you’ve been rewarded for prosocial communication, you’d be more likely to continue to engage in and even increase such communication. If you were punished for it or if it was ignored, you’d likely decrease such communication. Even expressions of gratitude increase the likelihood of prosocial behavior and communication (Grant & Gino, 2010). Similarly, the expectation of reward will influence your prosocial communication. We live in a world that, at least on the surface, rewards prosocial communication. Those who engage in prosocial communication seem to be liked more than those who don’t. And so, you might engage in prosocial communication because you anticipate that it will lead others to reward you in some way, perhaps to like you more.

Your personality affects your communication and certain personality traits, for example, altruism, will encourage prosocial communication and other personality traits, for example, selfishness, will likely lead to less such communication. Some research finds that the prosocial orientation depends on two major personality traits: other-oriented empathy and helpfulness (Penner & Orom, 2010).

The teachings of your culture and with those with whom you come into contact will influence your tendencies to engage in prosocial communication. Your culture has taught you about the rules for prosocial communication and you likely follow these unconsciously internalized rules. For example, collectivist cultures such as Venezuela, Indonesia, Pakistan, Guatemala, and China emphasize prosocial communication more than individualist cultures such as the United States, Australia, Canada, Italy, and Denmark. It is, for example, extremely important in collectivist cultures to be supportive of the other person, to praise the other person, to not call any errors to attention, to agree rather than disagree—all prosocial communication. This doesn’t mean that these communications are not supported in individualist cultures; they are, but just not as much. In addition to the rules of the culture, you also learn to engage in prosocial communication from parents, from teachers, and from peers. You may be praised by your parents for saying nice things about your kid sister or notice that those who engage in prosocial communication seem to be liked more than those who don’t.

And, because culture influences the gender roles we learn, your gender will also influence prosocial communication. Generally, research finds that both genders engage in prosocial communication equally but in different ways.  Women seem to engage in more prosocial verbal communication while men are more likely to engage in more prosocial nonverbal communication (Dickman & Eagly, 2000).  For example, a man is more likely to go into a burning building to rescue someone or to break up a fight and a woman is more likely to express positive feelings and give compliments.

One additional factor should be noted and that is the situation that arises when you’re in a crowd and someone is in need of help. Research shows that in these situations, you are less likely to help. This tendency is referred to as the diffusion of responsibility (Darley & Latane, 1968). The idea here is that people feel they needn’t do anything since someone else in the crowd is likely to do it. A related factor influencing whether or not you offer to act prosocially is your view of the crowd. When you make your decision to act or not to act (that is, to help the person in need), you may take your cues from the crowd and if the crowd does nothing, then you figure you shouldn’t either. Appropriately enough, this tendency is referred to as pluralistic ignorance (Latane & Darley, 1970) and can lead to a variety of negative consequences (Fisher, et al., 2011).

Examples of Prosocial Communication

Throughout your course and textbook, numerous examples of prosocial communication have been identified. Here are just ten to remind you of the varied ways in which following the principles of interpersonal communication may lead to prosocial communication.

·       Communicating with cultural sensitivity. People benefit in their self-view when their cultural beliefs are understood and respected.

·       Listening empathically. When you listen empathically, you’re performing a prosocial communication act by providing a supportive and understanding ear.

·       Responding appropriately to the emotional expression of others. When you offer comfort and support to the grief stricken, you’re performing a prosocial communication act.

·       Confirming. Communications that acknowledge the importance and contributions of another are likely to have a beneficial effect while disconfirming messages are likely to yield no such benefits and perhaps a variety of negative responses.

·       Advising. When you offer advice, assuming it is asked for, you are performing a prosocial communication act by sharing what you know or think with another person in an effort to comfort or reassure them.

·       Complimenting. When you compliment someone for a job well done or for looking good, you’re performing a prosocial communication act by helping the other person to feel more positively.

·       Mentoring/Sharing. When you mentor someone, you’re performing a prosocial communication act by sharing with them your expertise and experience—making them more efficient workers or better speakers, for example. Teaching in all its forms would be included here.

·       Communicating politely. When you respect a person’s need for both positive and negative face, you’re engaging in prosocial communication.

·       Argue fairly and constructively. When you engage in conflict fairly and constructively you show respect and confirm the other person. So, when you’re argumentative rather than aggressive, you’re engaging in prosocial communication.

·       Responding to the dark side of interpersonal communication. When you confront bullying or sexual harassment constructively (and safely) you’re performing a prosocial communication function.

Effects of Prosocial Communication

Prosocial communication most obviously has an effect on the other person. As the examples given above illustrate prosocial communication benefits other people by making them feel better about themselves or enabling them to do what they do more effectively and/or more efficiently.

          But, your prosocial behavior also has an effect on you; you feel better about yourself for having done something good for someone else. In fact, there is considerable research showing that personal pleasure and happiness often comes from helping others (https://thinklivebepositive.wordpress.com/category/helping-others-makes-you-happy/).

          And, in many ways, prosocial communication benefits the society as a whole when, for example, you campaign for clean water or when you argue against injustice. Even when you mentor a young person, for example, you’re influencing the larger society by helping this person do a better job—be a better bus driver (benefiting the passengers), or teacher (benefiting students), or store clerk (making life easier for harried customers). Each act has ripple effects and prosocial communication has positive ripple effects.

Exercises and Discussion Questions

Giving and Receiving Prosocial Communication

Here are two scenarios which have the potential for prosocial communication. Examining these situations will further clarify the nature and function of prosocial communication. The first scenario focuses on your making prosocial communication choices and the second on the prosocial communication you might like to receive from others.

Giving Prosocial Communication

One of your close friends has been having a pretty awful time; failed two courses, lost a great part-time job, and was dumped by a long-time romantic partner. Your friend call you; tells you all this and pauses, waiting for you to say something.

1.     Identify two or three choices for prosocial communication, select the one you think best, and explain why you think this is the best choice.

2.     In what way might this choice benefit the other person?

3.     In what way might this choice benefit you?

4.     In what way might this choice benefit the larger social group or society as a whole?

Receiving Prosocial Communication

At dinner with four of your closest friends, you mention that you are feeling depressed lately and are thinking of quitting college.

1.     Identify two or three choices for your friends’ prosocial communication that you might find useful.

2.     In what way might these choices benefit you?

3.     In what way might these choices benefit your friends?

4.     In what way might these choices benefit the larger social group or society as a whole?

Defining Prosocial Communication

There is no universally accepted definition of prosocial communication. Some theorists define it as behavior that benefits another but with no thought of personal reward; others define it as behavior that is intended to serve a prosocial function. Here are a few questions about: Where is prosocial communication?

a.      Is it in the intention of the communicator? Would a totally destructive bit of advice be prosocial communication if there was the intention to help. For example, would a friend’s advice on how to dress, that leads the person into a long period of depression, be prosocial if the friend’s intentions were good and were intended to help rather than harm the friend? 

b.     Is it in the non-expectation of gain? Some definitions of prosocial behavior define it as behavior that benefits others without the expectation of any personal gain. So, does the real estate salesperson engage in prosocial communication when she convinces a potential buyer to buy a house—that is sure to (and actually does) increase dramatically in value—when her motivation is the commission she’ll earn from the sale?

c.       Is it in the message? Consider this: you’re having coffee with your romantic partner and announce your desire to break up. Your partner is overcome with shock and goes to the restroom. Almost immediately after getting up, a stray bullet is fired and would have hit your partner had your partner not gotten up. Was the breakup speech prosocial communication?

d.     Is it in the effect? Let’s say, Jim wants to bankrupt John and so convinces him to invest all his assets in a particular stock. Contrary to Jim’s expectation, the stock soars in value and John becomes a multi-millionaire. Was Jim’s communication prosocial?

So, in your opinion, where is prosocial communication? How would you define prosocial communication?

Discussion Questions

1.     How would you describe an insincere compliment in terms of prosocial communication? A forced smile?

2.     What role does emotion work play in prosocial communication?

3.     How would you describe the rules of netiquette generally or the rules for communicating on any one of the varied social media sites in terms of prosocial communication?

4.     In what way does Facebook, Twitter, or any of the online dating sites promote prosocial communication? Can you find examples that might discourage prosocial communication?

5.     How would you describe the prosocial behavior in general and the prosocial communication in particular exhibited by the typical superhero?

6.     How would you explain the role of prosocial communication in developing and maintaining friendship and/or romantic relationships? What role does prosocial communication have on the immediate and extended family?

7.     How would you describe your own prosocial communications? Consider, for example, such concepts as the contexts in which such behavior occurs, the channels used, the feedback, and the effects.