Exercises for Interpersonal Communication 

Here are a few exercises that might prove useful in discussions of the self and interpersonal communication.

Satisfying Your Needs

According to FIRO (Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation) we each have needs for inclusion, control, and openness.

1.     What one thing have you done this week to satisfy your need for inclusion to the point where you’re comfortable?

2.     What one thing have you done this week to satisfy your need for control to the point where you’re comfortable?

3.     What one thing have you done this week to satisfy your need for openness to the point where you’re comfortable?

4.     Can you identify any obstacles that you encountered along the way of satisfying these basic needs?

 

Going from Idealism to Realism

Like many people, college students often have unrealistic expectations and goals that will likely not be met but are likely to cause stress and depression. How would you rework the following goals so that they are more realistic and attainable?

1.     I have to get an A in this course.

2.     I have to maintain a perfect GPA.

3.     I have to get into Professor Smith’s sociology class; it’s an easy A.

4.     I have to win the election for class president.

5.     I have to be engaged before I graduate.

 

Giving a Compliment

 

While you’re securing self-affirmation, consider the advantages of affirming another person. One way to do this is to compliment another. For each of the following situations, craft a compliment that is genuine, honest, and totally complimentary:

1.  A fellow student helped you research information you used in your report.

2.  Your blind date shows up and is a lot more attractive than you ever expected.

3.  You had a great dinner at a colleague’s home.

4.  Your friend just lost weight and looks great.

5.  Your friend just got accepted into law school.

 

Disclosing Topics

The remaining discussion of this important concept will be more meaningful if you first consider your own willingness to self-disclose. Consider the following disclosures and think about whether you’d disclose, to whom you’d disclose, and under what circumstances you might disclose?

• Your happiest moments in life

• Your unhappiest moments in life

• Your personality characteristics that you do not like

• Your most embarrassing moment

• Your major weaknesses

• Your prejudices

• Your net worth

• Your sexual fantasies

• Your greatest fears

• Your ideal relationship partner

 

Dealing with Difficult Disclosures

Here are a few examples of difficult disclosures. How would you respond?

1.     A friend confides a desire to commit suicide. What do you say?

2.     You just found out you have an STD and you need to tell a few people you’ve been intimate with. What do you say?

3.     Your friend is a Female-to-Male Trans and is dating a cisgender female who knows nothing about the transition. Your friend wants to disclose this and asks you for advice. What do you say?

4.     You’ve kittenfished in writing your profile; you’re older, less attractive than the photo would indicate, and are less financially well-off than implied. All was going well until you both decided to meet for coffee. You need to prepare this person for the real you. What do you say?

5.     You’re gay and you have decided to come out to your parents. You have no idea how they’ll react. What do you say? 

6.     You’re engaged to Pat, but over the past few months, you’ve fallen in love with someone else. You now have to break your engagement and disclose your new relationship. What do you say?

The Compliment

Here's an interesting little piece on complimenting someone that would work well with any unit on conversation in interpersonal communication. It provides 10 ways to tell someone you think he or she is beautiful and would be a great introduction to complimenting in general.

The Compliment

A compliment is a message of praise, flattery, or congratulations. It’s the opposite of criticism, insult, or complaint. Usually, it occurs in an interpersonal situation but it can occur in group situations, in public speaking situations, and of course in the media, where talk shows are often one compliment after another.
The compliment functions like a kind of communication glue; it’s a way of relating to another person with positiveness and immediacy. It’s also a conversation starter, “I like your watch; may I ask where you got it?” Another purpose the compliment serves is to encourage the other person to compliment you—even if not immediately (which often seems inappropriate).
Compliments can be unqualified or qualified. The unqualified compliment is a message that is purely positive. “Your paper was just great, an A.” The qualified message is positive but with some negativity thrown in: “Your paper was great, an A; if not for a few problems, it would have been an A+”. You might also give a qualified compliment by qualifying your own competence; for example, “That song you wrote sounded great, but I really don’t know anything about music.”
A “backhanded compliment” is really not a compliment at all; it’s usually an insult masquerading as a compliment. For example, you might give a backhanded compliment if you say “That sweater takes away from your pale complexion; it makes you look less washed out” (it compliments the color of the sweater but criticizes the person’s complexion) or “Looks like you’ve finally lost a few pounds, am I right?” (it compliments a slimmer appearance but points out the person’s being overweight) or “That’s great; you finally passed your driver’s test” (it compliments the successful passing but the “finally” adds criticism) or “Your hair looks very natural; you’d hardly know it was dyed (it compliments the natural look but the “hardly” takes back the compliment).
Compliments are sometimes difficult to express and even more difficult to respond to without discomfort or embarrassment. Fortunately, there are easy-to-follow guidelines. Let’s consider first, some suggestions for giving compliments.

Giving a Compliment

Here are a few suggestions for giving a compliment.
• Be real and honest. Say what you mean and omit giving compliments you don’t believe in. They’ll likely sound insincere and won’t serve any useful purpose.
• Compliment in moderation. A compliment that is too extreme (say, for example, “that’s the best decorated apartment I’ve ever seen in my life”) may be viewed as dishonest. Similarly, don’t compliment at every possible occasion; if you do, your compliments will seem too easy to win and not really meaningful.
• Be totally complimentary; avoid qualifying your compliments. If you hear yourself giving a compliment and then adding a “but” or a “however” be careful; you’re likely going to qualify your compliment. Unfortunately, in such situations many people will remember the qualification rather than the compliment and the entire compliment-plus-qualification will appear as a criticism.
• Be specific. Direct your compliment at something specific rather than something general. Instead of saying something general such as, “I liked your speech” you might say something more specific such as “I liked your speech—the introduction gained my attention immediately and you held it throughout.”
• Be personal in your own feelings—“your song really moved me; it made me recall so many good times”—but not personal about the other person—“your hair looks so natural; is that a weave?” At the same time, avoid any compliment that can be misinterpreted as overly sexual.
• Some interpersonal watchers recommend that you compliment people for their accomplishments rather than for who they are or for things over which they have no control. So, for example, you would compliment people for their clear reports, their poetry, their problem solving, their tact, and so on. But, so goes this advice, you would not compliment someone for being attractive or having beautiful green eyes.

Receiving a Compliment

In receiving a compliment, people generally take either one of two options: denial or acceptance.
Many people deny the compliment (“It’s nice of you to say, but I know I was terrible”), minimize it (“It isn’t like I wrote the great American novel; it was just an article that no one will read”), change the subject (“So, where should be go for dinner?”), or say nothing. Each of these responses creates problems. When you deny the legitimacy of the compliment you’re implying (at least in part) that the person isn’t being sincere or doesn’t know what he or she is talking about. When you minimize it, you imply, in effect that the person doesn’t understand what you’ve done or what he or she is complimenting. When you change the subject or say nothing, again, you’re saying in effect that the compliment isn’t having any effect; you’re ignoring it because it isn’t meaningful.
Some people deny the compliment because they’re embarrassed, generally feeling “I’m not worth that kind of praise”. Or, they’re shy or apprehensive and they don’t want attention brought to themselves. These are uncomfortable situations and are likely to be helped by understanding a few simple principles about accepting the compliment, clearly the better alternative.
An acceptance might consist simply of (1) a smile with eye contact—avoid looking at the floor; (2) a simple “thank you,” and, if appropriate (3) a personal reflection where you explain (very briefly) the meaning of the compliment and why it’s important to you (for example, “I really appreciate your comments; I worked really hard on the project and it’s great to hear it was effective”). Depending on your relationship with the person, you might use their name; people like to hear their name spoken and doubly so when it’s associate with a compliment: “That was a great report, Mary, you really nailed it.”
Here is a simple exercise that will illustrate that the common compliment which many think such a natural and easy type of communication, isn’t so simple. This may be more easily illustrated if the exercise is used before any discussion of the compliment.
The exercise is in two parts and simply consists in the giving and responding to a compliment. First, form a dyad with someone you don’t know well and compliment the person’s reliability, intelligence, sense of style, fair mindedness, independence, perceptiveness, warmth, or sense of humor. [You’ll have to make up something since you really don’t know the person.] Second, the other person should respond to the compliment. Then reverse roles where the “complimenter” becomes the “complimented” and vice versa.
One variation is to focus on inappropriate or backhanded compliments and the appropriate responses to them. Other variations are to team people from obviously different cultures or to set up some same-sex and some opposite sex pairings.