Nonverbal Attractiveness Messages

Ten Nonverbal Messages and AttractivenessHere are ten nonverbal messages that help communicate your attractiveness and ten that will likely create the opposite effect. I’m drawing here on lots of different nonverbal researchers, for example, Peter Andersen’s The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Body Language (an excellent and comprehensive review of nonverbal communication findings) and R. E. Riggio and R. S. Feldman’s excellent edited collection, Applications of Nonverbal Communication.

1. Do Gesture to show liveliness and animation in ways that are appropriate to the situation and to the message. But don’t Gesture for the sake of gesturing or gesture in ways that may prove offensive to members of other cultures.

2. Do Nod and lead forward to signal that you’re listening and are interested. But don’t Go on automatic pilot, nodding without any coordination with what is being said or lean so forward that you intrude on the other’s space.

3. Do Smile and otherwise show your interest, attention, and positiveness facially. But don’t Over do it; inappropriate smiling is likely to be perceived negatively.

4. Do Make eye contact in moderation. But don’t Stare, ogle, glare, or otherwise make the person feel that he or she is under scrutiny.

5. Do Touch in moderation when appropriate. But don’t Touch excessively or too intimately. When it doubt, avoid touching another.

6. Do Use vocal variation in rate, rhythm, pitch, and volume to communicate your animation and involvement in what you’re saying. But don’t Falling into the pattern where, for example, your voice goes up and down, up and down, up and down without any relationship to what you’re saying.

7. Do Use silence to listen at least the same amount of time as you speak. Show that you’re listening with appropriate facial reactions, posture, and back-channeling cues, for example. But don’t Listen motionlessly or in ways that suggest you’re only listening half-heartedly.

8. Do Stand reasonably chose to show a connectedness. But don’t Exceed the other person’s comfort zone.

9. Do Present a pleasant smell and be careful to camouflage the onions, garlic, or smoke that you’re so used to, you can’t smell it. But don’t Overdo the cologne or perfume.

10. Do Dress appropriately to the situation. But don’t Wear clothing that proves uncomfortable or that calls attention to itself and hence away from your message.

Deception Detection and Security

In USAToday (9/26/07)[http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/travel/2007-09-25-behavior-detection_N.htm] there’s an interesting article on using nonverbal communication research to identify cues to deception and ultimately identify people who might be security risks at airports. The idea is that the security guards will be trained to detect deception—using the nonverbal research literature as a base—and then question those who look like they might be hiding something or about to do something harmful.
This has got to be one of the dumbest ideas that the Transportation Security Administration has come up with since 9/11/01. The reasons why this is dumb—some of which were discussed in the article—are many. Here are just a few:
1. We really don’t know enough about nonverbal communication cues to make such predictions. Many different feelings and intentions may be encoded nonverbally in the same way. You may, for example, avoid eye contact with security personnel because you’re up to no good and fear detection or because you’re shy and you normally avoid eye contact with strangers.
2. The research on deception detection has usually looked at deception during interactions, not while a person is standing in line or reading a newspaper. The assumption that the research from interactive studies can be applied to these “non-communication” type situations needs to be tested and supported before being applied.
3. The chances of making errors are great. People are going to be singled out and questioned because of their unconventional behavior, totally unrelated to terrorism (concern about a recent relationship breakup, worry over a sick relative, fear of flying—the possibilities are endless).
4. It will be virtually impossible to teach security personnel about the nonverbal messages that signal deception in the hundreds of cultures whose members pass through airports daily. First, because we don’t know what these are (at least not reliably) and second, because such training (even if we knew what to teach) would take forever.
5. If security personnel can identify the cues to deception then the people who would be terrorists could also identify them. And, once identified, they most likely can be masked. The facial management techniques that are discussed in most textbook chapters on nonverbal communication are just some ways to hide true emotions. And, even if the TSA tries to focus on unconscious nonverbal cues, they too can be masked.
6. The practice will likely degenerate into racial profiling since race may be the most obvious observable characteristic. The security officer is likely to focus first on those individuals who are of the suspected race—today, it’s Muslim-looking individuals—and then look for the nonverbal signals on the list of tell-tale signs. Not only is such racial profiling likely to be ineffective, it’s going to prove insulting to every other member of that particular racial group—today, it’s Muslims, estimated at close to one and a half billion people.
This is not to say that airports must not be kept safe. Of course, they have to be and here is the major problem that’s wrong with this method.
7. Relying on this method will likely divert attention and money away from discovering better and more reliable means for identifying suspected terrorists. The assumption will be that this method of nonverbal deception detection will work and they’ll be no need to pursue other means for securing the safety of everyone.

The Nonverbal Communication Workbook

I now have the copyright to The Nonverbal Communication Workbook, a book I published some time ago. Though much has changed in the field of nonverbal communication, the introductory essays and the exercises seem still valid; they need to be supplemented by more recent research and theory. Michael Hecht of Penn State and I are planning to do a revision of this but are not sure just when it will be completed.
In the meantime, should anyone wish to use this workbook in teaching a course or unit on nonverbal communication, please feel free to do so. You may use the book in whole or in part for any educational purpose you’d like without charge (except that you’ll have to have it photocopied and I don’t have any spare copies, unfortunately) and without any further specific permission. I would ask that you acknowledge where the material came from with a note something like this:
Used by permission of the author, Joseph A. DeVito, The Nonverbal Communication Workbook.