Communicating Emotions
Effectively
The following statements are all ineffective expressions of feelings.
For each statement, (1) identify why the statement is ineffective (for example,
what problem or distortion the statement creates) and (2) rephrase it into a
more effective statement.
1. You
hurt me when you ignore me. Don’t ever do that again.
2. I’ll
never forgive that louse. The hatred and resentment will never leave me.
3. Look.
I really can’t bear to hear about your problems of deciding whom to date
tomorrow and whom to date the next day and the next. Give me a break. It’s
boring. Boring.
4. You
did that just to upset me. You enjoy seeing me get upset, don’t you?
5. Don’t
talk to me in that tone of voice. Don’t you dare insult me with that attitude
of yours.
Responding to Emotions
Responding appropriately to emotions is one of the most difficult of
all communication tasks. Here are some situations to practice on. Visualize
yourself in each of the following situations, and respond as you think an
effective communicator would respond.
1. A
colleague at work has revealed some of the things you did while you were in
college—many of which you would rather not have others know about. You told
your colleague these things in confidence, and now just about everyone knows.
You’re angry and are considering the advantages and the disadvantages of
confronting your colleague.
2. A
close friend comes to your apartment in deep depression and tells you that
their spouse of 22 years has fallen in love with another person and wants a
divorce. Your friend is at a total loss as to what to do and comes to you for
comfort and guidance.
3. Neighbors
who have lived next door to you for the past 10 years and who have had many
difficult financial times have just won the lottery worth several million
dollars. You meet in the hallway of your apartment house; they’re glowing.
